This is a Fluxus score. Fluxus is a type of performance art. A Fluxus score, like a musical score, is a sort of recipe for a performance. For more information, read The Fluxus Performance Workbook.

This performance requires several telephones, preferably telephones of as many different types as possible. Ideally, each should produce a unique sound through its microphone, which can either be original to the telephone or added. The phones should be amplified, for the benefit of the audience. A mixer or an effects petal may be used to augment the sound from each phone. It might be nice to paint the telephones black and white, to recall the color of keys on a piano. The telephones need not be connected to a telephone line, although other scores for this musical instrument may desire such a feature.

A Fluxus MAchine

A Piano Made of Telephones

[ 1 or 2 performers]

There are two scripts. The first script is composed of the sort of stuff that a telemarketer would say on the telephone, like “You’re eligible to be entered into our fifty thousand dollar sweepstakes” or “How would you like to buy a subscription to TV guide?”. The second is a series of responses, like “What’s the catch?” or “I can’t talk now, I’m busy” or “he isn’t here right now. Can I take a message?”

• Pick up a telephone. Read part of the first script.
• Hang up the telephone.
• Pick up a different telephone. Read part of the second script.
• Hang up the telephone, or put one down and pick up another while the first is on “hold”.
• Repeat as desired.

A Sample Script

[A slash or a break indicates a switch from one telephone to the next]

“Hey buddy: Whatcha doin’? Are you watching television?”

“I am. I am watching television! Oh my god! How did you know?” He is excited, and so am I.

“I’ll bet you would really like to know what’s on right TV now, wouldn’t you?”

“Good evening, may I speak with Benjamin please?”

“No you may certainly not speak with him. He’s dead.”

“Hello. Is Julie there?”

“If you call this number again, I’ll cut your balls off.”

“Hello. Good Evening. How are you? Fine, thanks. Yes, you have been selected / chosen / your name has been selected and entered / you are a finalist in our ALL CASH / our Fifty-Thousand Dollar drawing / sweepstakes / sweepstakes drawing.”

    ”Fifty thousand dollars! / What’s the catch? / I am so sorry I don’t speak the English. / What’s the catch? / Uh-huh I’m listening, go on. / What’s the catch?”

“Well, let me tell you about the fabulous / wonderful / cool / various prizes. Think of what you could be doing / you could do a lot of things with all that money / with fifty thousand dollars! I’m curious, I like to ask the people I call, what would you do with it?

“The first thing I would do is pay off my credit cards / I’m in debt so I’d fix that / Student loans, you know? / What’s the catch? / I would buy a house / car / vacation / new wardrobe. / What’s the catch? / I would move out of my mother’s / father’s / husband’s house / out of this fifthly city / the country / this town. / I would spend it all / save it / invest it / give it all to Jesus / never win anyway.”

“The money sure would help. My boy, he won’t help me. He cussed me and he left me. I told him, I brought him into this world, I said, but he won’t help me.
But you’re going to have to speak up a little, my ears ain’t so good no more. I’m sorry, I’ve lost my place. What, now? I’m afraid I have forgotten why I called. Did I call you?”

“Well ma’am I am with the board of utilities. I called to check if your telephone is working properly.”

“Oh well you’re a nice boy, thank you. Yes, it seems to be working real good, or else we wouldn’t be talking.”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you for your time.”